Defusing a bomb is probably more difficult than assembling it. Right? The philosophy is the same for angry women. But no matter what, in any relationship, you’re bound to have tough things to say to one another. But how do you talk through those landmines and make your relationship stronger?
Needing to be right:
Uh oh. “Winning” in a relationship is pretty short sited. Don’t be stubborn. Try your best to be honest about what you want without attacking the other person. Be respectful and listen to her opinion. If you disagree, acknowledge her points and then provide your reasons for why you feel contrary. Make it a discussion, do NOT attack… unless you’re ready to sleep on the couch.
Talking about her annoying habits:
Does she talk too much during movies? Does she smack on her lips when she’s eating? You HATE that dress she wears? Before you say anything, decide if this is worth opening a can of worms. If you want to address something superficial – dress, clothing, hair, instead of mentioning what you like, opt for a flattering comment about things you really like! “I think you look so great in that red dress. I like it better then when you wear green.” And if it is a behavior that annoys you, be very careful to be diplomatic. Isolate what is annoying you and put it into context and why it bothers you. Try to explaining why it is hard to focus on a movie when she chats through it, instead of saying “Shut up!” Remember that no relationship is perfect, so if you address her flaws be prepared that she will return the favor. And believe me, we’ve all got annoying habits.
Offering advice:
No one likes a know-it-all. So what do you do if you really want to help and she’s not asking? Be very careful that your ‘advice’ does not come off as a lecture or perceived as criticism. Make sure you listen to the whole situation before trying to ‘fix’ the problem. Ask questions about the situation to understand the context, and utilize personal experiences to explain why you are offering advice and most of all don’t judge. Instead of ‘taking sides’, make sure you acknowledge her feelings and why she is reacting this way. And if she’s not receptive, don’t force it. It won’t be worth dragging yourself into the drama.
