Avengers? Awesome.
The Hunger Games? We’re almost at the end and have enjoyed the ride so far.
Jurassic World? Sure, we’re up for Chris Pratt and a gang of new dinos rampaging around the late Richard Attenborough’s island 14 years after the third installment hit theatres.
As much as there are franchise reboots and series that have proven wildly successful and garnered a great deal of positive attention heading into 2015 (Hello Star Wars!), Hollywood has beaten the reboot and repeat formula to death because that’s how it works these days. You take something positive and enjoyable, try to apply it to everything under the sun and Voila! A world were every cooking show is a competition and every film property under the sun is eligible for a reboot, a prequel or a follow-up.
While some of the projects coming down the pipe sound great (Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm? Heck yes!) the following 10 films that are either in development or on the way to theatres don’t sound all that appealing.
REBOOT: Point Break
Back in 1991, future Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow directed Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Lori Petty and Gary Busey in this bank-robbing surfers infiltrated by ex-football star-turned-FBI agent caper that remains the greatest bank-robbing surfers movie of all-time. Johnny Utah and Bodhi did well at the box office and became cult sensations in the glory days of VHS.
A reboot hits theatres at the end of July with Luke Bracey subbing in for Reeves, Edgar Ramirez channeling Swayze, and Ericson Core behind the lense. Given how popular the original is, the bar has been set pretty high for this remake and the chances of it coming close to living up to those standards seem pretty low.
REBOOT: Gremlins
Three rules: no bright light, no water and most importantly, don’t feed it after midnight. Thirty years after the Steve Spielberg-exec produced, Chris Columbus-written, Joe Dante-directed classic hit threates, those rules still seem pretty straight forward and the original feels like a rare gem that should be appreciated, not replicated. But because this is 2015 and original ideas appear to on life support in Hollywood, a reboot has been discussed. While the advanced technology of today could make Gizmo and Stripe even cooler, they were already pretty sweet the first time around. As of right now, the project appears to be stalled. Hopefully it stays that way.
REBOOT: Scarface
Seriously? As much as the 1983 film directed by Brian De Palma and starring Al Pacino as Cuban drug lord Tony Montana was itself a remake, this is one of those classics that doesn’t need a modern update. While the talk is that any new version won’t be a remake of the Pacino version, but rather a reimagining of the same idea (an immigrant’s rise in the drug world), this is another one of those “the bar is set far too high” situations where it might be best to just walk away.
REBOOT: The Goonies
It’s been 30 years already. As much as the idea of heading back to the Goon Docks and seeing what Mikey, Mouth, Data and Chunk grown up to become, the idea of a bunch of 40-somethings chasing around after a pirate treasure, doing “The Truffle Shuffle” and using booby traps – “BOOBY TRAPS! That’s what I said!” – doesn’t sound as appealing when you say it out loud. It’s been discussed for years, and for now, we’re taking Josh Brolin’s “I’ll believe it when I see it” approach.
REBOOT: Ghostbusters
This is happening. Director Paul Feig has announced the all-female cast that will comprise this remake, not sequel, to the classic 1984 flick that spawned on sequel and was a favourite “Is there going to be a third one?” flicks of all-time. Of all the films on this list, this has the most potential because of the people involved, but what made the original so much fun is that it wasn’t slapsticky and this feels like it will follow the trail blazed by Bridesmaids, which could make it not work.
SEQUEL: Clerks 3
The first one was amazing, something fresh and new that introduced Kevin Smith to the world. The sequel was suprisingly solid, sticking with the ethos of the original, transporting Dante and Randal from the Quick Stop and RST Video (respectively) to a Mooby’s fast food restaurant. Smith has said that his 2014 horror flick Tusk gave him the financing to make a third installment, but maybe it’s time to walk away. Or instead of revisiting Dante and Randal again, give recovering addict Jay and his heterosexual life partner Silent Bob another chance to shine.
REBOOT: The Neverending Story
Don’t. Just don’t. Seriously. Don’t do it. Leave Atreyu and Falkor alone. It doesn’t matter that there have already been two sequels and 30 years since the initial film hit theatres. There is nothing that says we need a reboot. It’d be like if someone thought to remake The Princes Bride. Oh man – please don’t remake The Princess Bride either.
SEQUEL: Bill & Ted 3
William S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter) and Theodore Logan (Keanu Reeves) were great when they went on their excellent adventure… in 1989. They were still pretty good in 1991 when they went on a Bogus Journey. You know what doesn’t sound good? Bill and Ted all grown up and still dumb as rocks. The idea has been kicked around since 2010, so whether it comes to fruition or not remains a question mark. Rather than jump back into being one half of Wyld Stallyns, Reeves should just keep churning out John Wick follow-ups every couple years.
REBOOT: Dirty Dancing
If the 2004 “re-imagining” of the original Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights taught us anything, it’s that there is no way to improve upon perfection and that you can’t catch lightning in a bottle twice. Dirty Dancing is perfection. Swayze, Jennifer Grey, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” It’s all golden and any attempts to replicate it will only result in people longing for the original even more. The idea to reboot the 1987 blockbuster has been kicking around for years and so far hasn’t come to fruition. Here’s hoping it doesn’t.
SEQUEL: Friday the 13th
Just because Jason Voorhees is apparently impossible to kill doesn’t mean that studios have to keep bringing him back over and over and over again. Yet here he comes for a 13th time. The 2009 remake did exceptionally well at the box office, grossing nearly $100 million worldwide againsts a $19 million budget, so going back to the well again was inevitable, but really, how many more times are people going to get captured/chased/freaked out at Crystal Lake? Shouldn’t they know better by now? Shouldn’t moviegoers?
