There are a lot of different ways a breakup can be classified as “bad”. In fact the only “good” kind of breakup is the cordial mutual breakup where you just grew apart and agreed together that going your separate ways was for the best. A bad breakup could be anything from being completely ghosted, to the long, drawn out will they or won’t they dance that involves lots of “trying to make it work” talks and denial.
Then there’s the bad breakup of epic proportions that involves screaming matches, someone burning someone else’s clothes, and restraining orders. Hopefully you never have to go through something like that, but in the end no breakup is easy. Here are a few best practices for navigating a breakup that can help minimize the pining stage that comes before moving on.
Don’t annoy your friends
The people who care about you want to be there for you in your time of need, they really do. If you want to talk about it, they’ll listen. If you don’t want to talk about it, they’ll distract you with a night on the town. That being said, if you were one of those people that ditched your friends as soon as you got into a relationship, don’t expect them to welcome you back into the circle with open arms. You’re going to have some work to do to get back in their good graces. Your friends don’t want to hear you talk about your ex 24/7. So get it out of your system and start acting like a normal human again ASAP.
Don’t play the blame game
Making a relationship work takes two—and like it or not, running it into the ground takes two too. Sure, there may be some situations where one person should take more of the blame, but there’s no point in dwelling on it. Regardless of how it ended, it’s over. Don’t be the guy that rants to everyone who will listen about how crazy your ex is, how she couldn’t be trusted, how she took advantage of you and you were the perfect boyfriend. Because you weren’t.
On the other hand, blaming yourself and wallowing in regret isn’t going to do much either. If you tried to beg for her forgiveness and she wasn’t having it, you just have to accept that you messed up and focus on learning from your mistakes for the future. The best thing you can do for her—and yourself—now is just move on.
Delete your ex’s contact info
When you’ve had a few drinks, texting your ex to “see how they’re doing” seems like a fantastic idea. After all, you’re just checking in, it’s completely harmless. On the other hand, a night of drinking has a way of reminding you of all the mean spirited things you wanted to say the night she dumped you. You were able to hold back and maintain your dignity then so don’t ruin all that by sending her a rambling, misspelled drunk text about what a terrible girlfriend she was now.
Delete her number and email address from your phone, stop following her on Instagram, and unfriend her on Facebook. We all know that if you really want to, you’ll find a way to get in tough with her again, but the least you can do is make it harder for your drunk self to make a fool of you.
Get some hobbies
The best way to get over a breakup as quickly as possible is to keep busy. You don’t want to sit at home watching the Netflix shows you used to watch together, ordering takeout from places where her order is saved in your favourites, and thinking about all the things you should have done differently. Instead of jumping right back on Tinder to find a distraction, do something a little more production that might actually make you a more interesting, well-rounded person.
Try a cooking class, read more, join a ball hockey league, start a blog chronicling your journey to find the best spring roll in the city. Do something that you didn’t do when you were in a relationship. Embrace the reality that your life is going to be different without your ex in it instead of fighting it. You’ll be surprised how much easier moving on is when you make the choice to let go of bitterness.
